The Journal
by marla
Summary: //\\complete//\\ A journal that contains letters, commentary, and diary entries that document Heero and Relena's relationship is read.
1. Prolog

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Prolog: Hands  
Date: 10.28.01  
Time: 12:51 AM  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, nor do I make any money from this. I do it of my own free will, simply because I admire the original works.   


A snake-like stream wound in front of a small, straight trodden path. An elaborate old Victorian porch glistened in the sun, highlighted by pink roses and yellow azaleas. An old man, in a tranquil wicker rocker, was throned amidst a pile of luggage. A shuttle ticker to Berlin rested in his lap.  
  
The man, for his age, was one whom looked younger than his year, though his mind was much older. His skin had no age spots, but was clear of all of the markings of age. His shoulders still held the chiseled look of a life led as a soldier.   
  
In his hands he held the story of a life.  
  
The man's hands were rough and calloused, showing his battle scars and electrical burns proudly. A hard, honest, solemn worker, but a tender tough hid just beneath the calloused exterior.  
  
Gently, he opened the sacred leather-bound journal, one filled with memories of life passed and read...   
  

  



	2. Entries 1 -4

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Letter One: 'Infatuation'  
Date: 10.28.01  
Time: 12:55 AM  
POV: Relena  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, nor do I make any money from this. It is purely for my own enjoyment.  


I remember the first time I wrote to Heero. It was on a beautiful day in Belgium. I was looking out my office window, thinking how lovely everything around me appeared. To tell the truth, I was completely miserable...  
  
It was my birthday, my twentieth, to be exact. I was still Vice Foreign Minister then, and positively bored with it as well. I needed something to pass my time in a more exciting way. I needed something that would just perhaps drive my day down a more scenic highway. Dear Heero, I've simply been thinking about you. It's amazing to think that I haven't seen or heard from you for three years. I realize of course that I most likely haven't because you haven't wanted me too, though this makes me all the more curious..  
  
I imagine you are doing well, considering you have always had exceptional ability when it comes to things of such sort.  
  
I hope you do not my prying to terribly. I only care Heero.  
  
Sincerely Yours,  
Relena Darilan  
200.4.8  
It was merely a fluke, or so I thought, that that letter was delivered to him. I have now come to believe that perhaps it was more than that. I had written so many over the years and each one I discarded. Each one, that is, except for that one.  
  
At the age of twenty, I realize now, that I was still more intrigued by this mysterious youth than I was anything else. Of Course, my infatuation with him had changed drastically from the time when we first met.  
  
The short time we were allowed after the Eve Wars definitely proved to me that my dear Heero was blooming into a person with true feelings.   
  
We were walking down along a corridor alone after the confrontation with the left over white fang.  
  
We were strolling along slowly, when surprisingly he broke the silence. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, he'd been acting out of character a lot around that time. He said: You'd better hurry up and go. There isn't a lot of time."  
  
Not knowing exactly how to respond to this, I was polite, "Yes, take care Heero."  
  
"There's no need to worry about me, you have better things to do. Concentrate on that." By that time, I did realize that the words he spoke were sincere, and not simply modest. He honestly felt like he was not worth my worry.  
  
"Heero, I know you're strong, but please, at least let me worry about you," I stated in response. "I _want_ to." Not daring to meedt his eyes after saying something so bold, I averted my eeys.  
  
"Relena..." his tone was muddled. I remember, I could scarcely determine whether he was touched, or whether he was being stern. I ignored it.  
  
"I'll go now," I muttered half-hearted, beginning to walk past him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his arm shoot out and take hold of my own. Not afraid by this gentle touch, I turned to meet him.  
  
"Relena.... I..." he whispered shakily pulling me in closer to himself.  
  
And the he kissed me.  
  
First I was shocked at such a bold affectionate action, but then, the reality of what had happened set in and I let my satisfaction show through with a smile. Heero cracked a little grin himself before sending me on my way.  
  
I wrote that first letter with this in mind. There was a longing I wanted filled, and to me, writing these silly letter was more than just a mistake. Like I said before though, this one being mailed seemed a fluke. I'm still not sure how he ever received it. Though, I suppose all that really matters is that he did.  
  


Letter: 'Understatement'  
Date: 10.29.01  
Time: 9:42 AM  
POV: Heero  


When I first got the letter from Relena, I was confused. For three years neither of us had even tried to communicate. It was as if what happened the last two days we were together had finalized our relationship. It head, in my mind at least. I still though about her frm time to time, but contact rarely crossed my mind.   
  
Upon noticing the date, I attributed the letter to some remorseful feeling she always felt around her birthday. Regarding this, I let the letter fester for months.  
  
One night, in the middle of the summer, I guess the heat was getting to me and I sat down to the letter and responded in my own way, just to finish what was started.  
  
Dear Relena Minding you letter is an understatement. It seems odd to me that after three years of silence that you even attempt communication. Though it seems that your imagination is firmly planted in reality. I am well, just as you suspected. Please feel no need to continue writing. Sincerely,  
Heero. 200.07.26 Sure, it was short, but then again, that's how I was back then, and that would be exactly what Relena expected of me.....  
  


Letter Three: Sweet Nothings  
Date: 11.06.01  
Time: 12:15 PM  
POV: Relena  


The disappointing length of Heero's letter was quickly overshadowed by my joy and shock of actually receiving a letter at all. I had never expected it to come. I had secretly hoped, but never really expected it.  
  
At first I was giddy and forced myself to contain my excitement and bury one or two inappropriate smiles during my regular meetings.  
  
I read the sacred script over and over again, fanaticizing on the thousands of romantic possibilities which could result from such archaic correspondence.  
  
I imagined that over a period of about six months, which, at the time, seemed like an eternity, he would come for me, an embodiment of the man he was so close to becoming that day he first kissed me.  
  
Sometime I reminded myself that reality was where I truly needed to be--that such things would never happen between myself and Heero. I would only have to remind myself of what happened after Mariemaia's War and be certain that we were nothing more than common figure heads of our present world. Though, some small events swung me back into a romantic swoon where I would melt into a sappy jellybean ready to be gobbled up by a man who liked only the flavor I possessed within my sugar coating.  
  
The night I wrote back to Heero, Duo and Hilde happened to be making a pit stop after their honeymoon to Constance. It was a Sunday night, which meant I would not have been working. Quatre, who frequented Berlin at least every other weekend, was there as well.  
  
The four of us were gathered in my living room following dinner. The television was on, though I doubt any of the lot of us were paying it any attention. Qutre and I sat in chairs, while our lovely, newly-wedded couple shared the couch. They were lounging, completely comfotable, as if they were at home, which, I suppose, is a compliment on my part. There legs were entangled and her head rested on his shoulder, his braid enveloping both of them. I watched him kiss her neck, which caused Hilde to turn to meet Duo's face. He kissed her on the lips and the gazed at her. I could not see Hilde's face, but the absolute love and devotioon consuming Duo's features forced green blood to pulsate through my veins. I watned to be looked at like that.  
  
What got me the most was, that after this, he leaned over and whispered, what I imagined to be sweet nothing into her ear. She giggled and they pulled each other in closer as he grinned sheepishly. This act sent shivers all throughout me and I knew more than anything else what I wanted them and there, and who I wanted it with, yet another childish illusion, I would tell myself. It was not like I did not have other choices. But, this small act prompted me to return Heero's letter.  
  
Dear Heero, Though you requested no reply, it seems that, as it always does when you are involved, that i could not help myself. Honestly, I expected no reply to my letter, as I assume you do not expect one to yours.  
  
Though I feel awkward in saying so, I feel I must...I've missed you over the past three years Heero. This secret communication is somewhat of a relief. I am sorry I have not been able to catch up with you sooner.  
  
Please return word Heero, I'd love to hear what it is that you are up to lately. Sincerely yours,  
Relena Darilan 200.08.13 That letter was so filled with hope and excitement. I hoped with all my heart that he would grip the meaning in my words.  
  
Love though, is not always clear to the outward eye. I have come to find out since the situation with Duo and Hilde on my couch, was not what I presumed it to be.  
  
Instead of whispering sweet nothings into Hilde's ear, he, in fact, said, "I just peed all over you." Of course, she giggled and he pulled her in to finish his joke. "Can't you feel it soaking all over you? Warm isn't it?"   
  
That's what he'd said, barely a sweet nothing, wouldn't you say love. What else should I have expected, after all, from that gundam pilot?  
  


Letter Four: Bedside Manner  
POV: Heero  


To tell the truth, I honestly never really expected Relena to reply. I figured that once she got my letter she would be contented and leave the practice alone.   
  
She didn't.  
  
The day the small beige envelope arrived, a faint hint of her smell attatched, I looked it over and set it on top of my computer.  
  
It sat there for at tleast three weeks.  
  
I didn't want Relena to expect anything more from me than I could offer her. At that time, I couldn't offer her anything--and I didn't want to.  
  
I was working as a mechanic at the bottom of a small colony on the outer rim of L1 and attending night classes at a small community college. She, on the other hand, was a government official. I had nothing.  
  
After I finally got myself together enought to actually read the silly thing, I was in a state of shock. She'd come right out and said she'd missed me.   
  
She missed me. Me....  
  
Why this shocked me I don't know. This girl was the same one who was bold enough to follow me across the earth five years before.  
  
I suppose she'd become a much quieter woman, though still a woman after all. At that point in time I'd figured she'd forgotten about me, since she was so busy with all of her diplomatic work. It was quite a job to travel back and forth from every single space colony, trying to comprmise the conditions of hundreds of indenpendent governments. She was too busy for me.  
  
I hadn't forgotten about her. IN fact, much the opposite, I spent much of my time mulling over the situation we hea--and how my experiences with this particular person had influenced me so much in such a short time.  
  
She was my weakness.  
  
The news had been focusing on her negotiations at the time. Some colonies, including my own, were disputing more all of the terms. One would think after three years that the whole ordeal would be finished and a United Nation we would stand. From the way the situation looked, it seemed as though it might take three years before the nation was complete.  
  
I had been stumped over how to reply to this second letter, since I decided it would be the best for me to reply to her. One evening, after viewing the latest local news broadcast, and learning that Vice Foreign Minister Darilan would soon be visiting my home colony, I just sat and wrote.  
  
Dear Relena, I've been following you travels. There are a few colonies that are still holding out, making your job more diffictult no doubt. I respect you for that, and your manners with people. We both know my bedside manner involves pulling a pistol from beneath my pillow...  
  
You wrote that you missed me.  
  
Relena.  
  
All I can say in response to such a comment is that you have much more important things to concentrate on. Our entire world is waiting for you to finish that negotiations. When you finish those, perhaps you'll have time to remember me.  
  
I miss you too. Sincerely,  
Heero Yuy 200.10.03 When I'd finish writing it, I sealed it in an envelope and set about delivering it before I could read over it and destroy the letter I knew I would if I didn't deliver it promptly.  
  
I didn't want to destroy it.  
  



	3. Entry 5

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Entry 5: The Window  
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  


I didn't know if it was just me, or if I actually heard a bit of humor laughing through the part in Heero's second letter when he made his crack about pistols under his pillows. What made it most hilarious was that I knew this to be true. From experience. (I don' t believe that now is the time to get into that though.)  
  
Two other things rose to my attention. First was that this letter, like the one before it, had no post markings or return address and, also like his first letter, this one appeared in my inbox exactly two days after it had been written. The most noteworthy part of the entire letter, however, was at the end, when he admitted, in tiny lettering, that he missed me as well.  
  
I would call this a large step forward in some shape or form. Of course, he was following my political career. He would have been following whomever held the position. That's just the way he was, wanting to keep up.  
  
The next stop on my negotiation tour would be at the colony C-24578 on the outskirts of the L1 Colony Cluster, and I was not looking forward to it. C-24578, I remember well, was one of the colonies that was putting up the most resistance in the setting up of the world government. Yet, more annoying than this, persistent phone calls continuously interrupted my brainstorming time.  
  
The calls were coming from a dashing man, at least in his thirties, who seemed to have somewhat of an odd crush on me. He had asked me to dinner on many occasions. More often than not, I declined, though at time I found his retreat gratifying.  
  
Who was I kidding? The man was a fellow politician, yet still able to make me laugh. Honestly, I was very cynical about any plausible relationship between the two of us. I did not dislike him, but Mr. Evans lacked a certain adventurous zeal that, to me, gave a man life. Despite this flaw, I did find myself attracted to his strong sense of disciplined stability, something all of the men in my life, with the exception of Pagan, lacked ith such severity that only the bloodshed of war could compare with it. Because of this, and an utterly disarming smile, I consented to take his call that night in my home office.  
  
"How wonderful it is to see you Vice Foreign Minister," he said. "Did you receive my flowers?"  
  
My eyes traveled to the bouquet of lily's of the valley, white roses, and ivy setting in my window.  
  
"I did Mr. Evans. They're lovely," I responded. "What can I do for you tonight Senator?"  
  
"Well Miss Relena, I've been assigned to you entourage to C-24578. I was expecting to be, since of course I am an ambassador from that quadrant of L1."  
  
"Of course..."  
  
I immediately searched for the 18th on my desk calendar and found the evening open. Knowing that he would have knwn this as well, I conceded and we ended our conversation.  
  
I looked from my work to Heero's latest letter. It's not that I had forgotten about all my fantasies, but I had been reminded that fantasies were such. I had not abandoned them, but between the time of communication with Heero, my eagerness had grown luke warm.   
  
And the was always South Evans to remind me of a decent reality.  
  
Deciding between the letter and my work, I set the letter in my brifcase to be brought along to C-24578.  
  
Four days later, I found myself as a small, homey diner in the bottom of C-24578. From what I recall, the meeting with South was enjoyable. I laughed and I allowed him to kiss me. That night I found my stress load lightened and was encouraged by the positive responses that day from the colony delegates. I felt I must have owed this, in part to my new friend Mr. Evans.  
  
I entered my hotel romm, walking a few inches off the floor. With a light head I slumped in an arm chair to swoon and felt a breeze washing over me.   
  
Of all the things I remember from that night, I do not remember opening the window.  
  


I knew I was getting rusty, and I could lie and say that I meant to leave the window open on purpose just to tip her off that I was there. But like I said, that would be a lie. I'm not sure what I was thinking that night, though I suppose Relena left this part for me to retell for a reason.  
  
The truth is, I did Relena out with Mr. Evans that night. I suppose I was curious, jealous, and lonely after seeing the two of them sitting near the window of the diner down the street from the shop where I was working.  
  
It wasn't hard to find where she was staying. Her security was tighter than normal, but still no large obstacle.  
  
I waited at least thirty minutes for her to return. I spent the time studying for an exam I was to take the next day. As soon as I heard the click of a key in the doorknob, I was hidden.   
  
She looked so content as she slid across the floor to an armchair right in front of me and sighed. She relaxed momentarily and I felt a cool breeze. Evidently she felt it too, and we tensed simultaneously. She stood, I didn't move, but she saw me anyway.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Hai," I answered softly.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She moved toward me with a curious shine glintin in her eyes.  
  
I stepped out to meet her. We were awkwardly close, but neither of us moved. "We were on the same colony, so I though I'd say 'Hi'."  
  
Her facial expression didn't change. Awkward is the only word I an think to describe the feeling at that moment.  
  
She studied me--my eyes, my height...she even put her fingers in my shaggy hair for a moment.  
  
"So you are real," she said, at last. "It's been a long time....You look well..."  
  
I knew that was a lie, but I let her offer it while I studied her. She looked stressed. Her face was pale like always, but what I notices the most was her hands. Before, her nails had always been neatly trimmed, no hangnails, and a coat of clear polish would perfectly cloak each nail. That night, her hands were dry and haggard in an almost calloused and rough way--a far cry from her manicures, but not nearly as disgusting as mine. A few of her nails had taken on jagged edges as if she'd gotten into the habit of biting them on her long shuttle rides.   
  
"Please sit.." she proffered, still standing herself.  
  
I didn't know what to say to her now that I'd invaded her privacy. How many time had i threatened this girl? 'What must she be thinking?' I could have easily killed her, but that wasn't on my agenda as I breathed in the fragrance that clung to the two notes she'd sent me. My heart beat and I remembered the only two other times I'd felt this way, both were moments where I'd let my emotions sieze my being.  
  
"Did you receive my letter?" I asked.  
  
"I did," she nodded. "It meant a lot to me Heero.... So...what's the danger?"  
  
"There is none?" A questioning glance told her to continue.  
  
"Odd...You never seem to come unless there's danger."  
  
"Are you angry with me?" I said.  
  
Relena stood at the window, letting the cool night air create tiny goose bumps all over her skin. I shut the window I'd inadvertently left open and she glared at me with bitterness gleaming in her eyes.  
  
"I only come around when there's danger because I actually do care what happens to you..."  
  
"When a person cares, the come around more often then when there's danger."  
  
She kept her glare, which confused me. I was standing in front of her humbly. Humbling myself for her sake on an impulse...and she was angry with me. I glared at her, the worst glower I could muster, then turned it out the window while resting my damps palms on the sill.   
  
"You are amazing," I muttered.  
  
"Am I? How's that Mr. Yuy?"  
  
"I'm here now aren't I?"  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"Then why are you upset?"  
  
"I...I don't know..."  
  
Turning to face her, I found she had a look of defeat cloaking her physique.  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Do you really miss me Heero?"  
  
"I'm her now aren't I?"  
  
"Then please, sit with me," she invited, crossing the room to a couch, patting the seat beside her.  
  
"What bring you to C-24578? Wait, the negotiation conference I'll bet."  
  
"I though it might be interesting."  
  
"So what have you been up to? I know my activites have been all over the news," she said.  
  
Needless to say, this created a nervous bubble between my vocal cords--that and her change in mannerism.   
  
I changed the subject.  
  
"You'll still continue writing me?"  
  
She paused before answering my peculiar question. "Why wouldn't I Heero? I enjoy the exchange."  
  
"So do I... even though..."  
  
"Even though your letters are short, curt, and highly uneventful?"  
  
I nodded and a smile brightened her face. Silence overcame us and I watchd her sit contently with her hand grasped around mine. At that point, I wasn't sure whether it was because of me or because of the man she had kissed in the diner only an hour or so before. I did know that I wanted it to be me as her smile intoxicated my judgement, but I convinced myself that it was because of _him_.  
  
"You should come around more often Heero. Quatre visits all the time and Duo and Hilde would absolutely just love to see you and...well, I know I'd certainly enjoy your company. I worried about when I hadn't heard anything. All sorts of terrible scenarios would pass through my head and then--"  
  
"Relena..."  
  
She stopped talking and looked directly into my eyes. I felt the tension mounting like always. Electricity was flowing from her body to mine, or perhaps it was mine to hers, whatever it was, it didn't matter.   
  
I kissed her--and not timidly either. It was a kiss I'd been holding in and longed for three years.  
  
Kissing Relena was like alcohol. The very first sip of it I ever had, I felt it spread through my blood--the sensation warming, welcome, and dangerous--and I wanted more. Mostly, I would refrain, but there was always a small piece of my burning for another drink.  
  
Kissing Relena was a much healthier release than any other I'd tried. Though, for a reason I cannot explain after roughly thirty seconds of our exchange, I simply stopped kissing her and broke our hold. After three years, that was all I had.  
  
"Her eyes filled with tears. "You're leaving now aren't you?" She blinked, not letting the water fall in gront of me.  
  
"Should I?"  
  
"It would be best...I think..."  
  
"Hmmm..." I stood and opened the window to leave. I couldn't say then whether I felt insulted, or whether I had insulted her. Now of course, i know how ocnfusing I was then.  
  
"You'll still be here next week right?" She asked.  
  
"Should be." My body was half out the window.  
  
"I'll have a letter for you by Wednesday if you want it."  
  
"If you write..." I said and dropped from her view.  
  
Mission: Failed.  
  



	4. Entries 6 and 7

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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
I apologize for the short chapter, but it's a turning point and I didn't want to dillude it. I hope to have more soon, so don't worry, it'll be okay. It's the end of the semester though, so that means I'm not gonna have a whole lotta time to write. But I'll try. I'll get Magatama up sometime soon too.  


Entry Six: Confused  
Letter Five: Fallen Dreams  
Date: 01.06.02  
Time: 11:20 PM  
POV: Relena  
  


No man could ever frustrate me as much as Heero Yuy. His timing was always terrible--and wonderful..  
  
That night he snuck into my room on C-24578--that night...I didn't sleep.  
  
Being kissed by two men in the same night confuses a girl--not to mention that--that one of them was Heero.  
  
Heero...at this point in my life I was trying to grow up and Heero was only a childhood infatuation. He was just...just the boy I claimed to love for the best part of five years.  
  
Pathetic.  
  
South...The prospect of a new relationship is always exciting. And South, well, he was the exact opposite of Heero-and I--I was growing up.  
  
_A respectable woman doesn't wait around for what never comes._  
  
But that night, he had come--on that night--he had come to me and left again.  
  
In the midst of my fitful 'sleep' I grew frustrated with thoughts in my head and sat at the hotel room desk to write to say to Heero just exactly what I though of him.  
  
Dear Heero,  
I must say, your visit last night certainly was a surprise. What a surprise--though I can't say that it was exactly pleasant. Confusing at best.  
  
You have no idea how many time I've dreamt that you crawled through my window to steal a kiss--or maybe steal me away with you--but reality rarely compares with dreams.  
  
I was told once that following one's emotions is the way to live life. What I ask now is, how does one live by one's emotions when the feeling of the mind and the heart are always in conflict?  
  
I was doing so well.  
  
I suppose I should explain myself. As of the past few weeks, I have been more or less courting Senator South Evans of C-24578. When I arrived back at my hotel room last night, I was retuning from an outing with him.  
  
I suppose that explains my muddled emotions.  
  
I don't know what to ask of you now Heero.  
  
I'm tired.  
  
Sincerely,  
Relena Dorilan  
200.10.19  
  
  
I reread that letter at least fifteen time that night. It seemed, at best, inadequate. It was as though as soon as I picked up my pen and wrote that I was immediately transformed into a politician and I softened my tone involuntarily.  
  
Ignoring the instincts that begged me to revise I placed the note in a plain envelope and gave in to the sleepy wave pleading for my attention.  
  
  


Entry Seven: Turning Point  
Letter Six: Sumimasen  
Date: 01.08.02  
POV:Heero  


Snort.  
  
That's what I do when I read Relena's letter now. Considering the present curcumstances, I almost find it humorous. It sparks a sort of indignant pride and I snort.  
  
Typical...  
  
Truthfully, when I originally received the letter, I felt frustrated--well maybe more sorry...alone.  
  
Inadequate.  
  
That's the word. Everything I was, my entire existence was belittled by that letter. True, I wasn't doing much--nothing compared to saving the world, but even Heero needed a break.  
  
I was content. At work I was left to myself mostly. The owner of the small garage was cheery and charismatic. He reminded me of Duo, but I never got close.  
  
What her letter did to me...well, nothing outwardly visible, but the tempest that raged inside me...that still does...opened up to me a world of emotions.  
  
The first few years after the Eve Wars, was a time for me when I let myself feel. I was no longer a machine, whose actions were defined by instinct and political movements.  
  
Relena, though her persistance was annoying, woke me to that human side. And though it's caused me so much pain, I am forever indebted to her for that.  
  
Anyway, the return letter hardly reflected what I was "feeling."  
  
Dear Relena,  
I apologize for causing you to be confused. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how I can apologize when truly, I'm quite confused myself.  
  
Motivation for visiting you was _because_ I saw you out. I didn't mean for what occurred to happen.   
  
Forgive me.  
  
As for feeling confused between the heart and the mind. Emotions don't come from the mind, Relena. It's when you let your thoughts interfere with your heart that you get confused.  
  
That was profound.  
  
You don't need to ask anything of me. I owe you too much, please don't make my debt even larger.   
  
I will not make your life anymore complicated than it already is.  
  
Sumimasen.  
  
Sincerely,  
Heero Yuy  
200.10.23  
  
  
I delivered the letter back to her office in Berlin.   
  
Germany has a habit of rebuilding any ancient or ever ancient looking building that is destroyed during wars. Berlin looked much the same as it did in the 20th century, and it was comforting, though personally, for comfort I preferred Constance, the city just outside Preventors headquaters.   
  
_Die Boden See_--Lake Constance.  
  
The embodiment of Beauty and the old life. It's amazing the naturalness of the scenery and true beauty of creation--and it all sits right next to the largest military center in the world. The Preventors base is filled with the most highly advanced technology and the deadliest weapons known to man.  
  
Ironic.  
  
Relena wasn't in Berlin that day. She was visiting her brother, who had come home only for a few weeks on holiday. How bittersweet.  
  
  
I didn't receive another letter from Relena after that--well, not for a long time I suppose. I guess that's my own fault, I practically told her not to write to me.  
  
I was alright with that though...   
  
After time, I concentrated on school and work, and adjusting myself.   
  
Adjusting myself.   
  
That's what I had gone to do in the first place. Yet I was still in school, and I was working as a mechanic. Adjusted enough I suppose, but I never really did feel right there.   
  
The World Nation was forming around me, without my help, and I helped get the world to the place where it could exist.  
  
It got me to the place where I could exist--only not...right--correctly.   
  
Six months after not hearing from Relena. One year after I had heard from her for the first time since Mariemaia's War--I finished school and left that colony. I have never been back.  
  
I don't regret it.   
  
When I left I finally adjusted. 


	5. Entries 8 and 9

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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
It's here, it's here, and it's not over this time either. It's only about half over, so stop squirming.   
  
Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate it.  
  


Entry 8: Entäuschung  
Date: 01.13.02  
POV: Relena  
  


The day I got Heero's letter--I'll always remember that day--It was the 25th of October in the year 200.  
  
The message was so...Overpowering.  
  
That letter did two things for me. One, it encouraged me when he said that emotions come from the heart. Two, it killed me. He said he didn't want to by anymore of a bother. And I knew what it meant--he didn't think that we should communicate anymore.  
  
I was finally able to accept that.  
  
For so long, Heero consumed me--no matter what I did, he was in my every though and action. Everything I "fought" for stemmed from him--at least that's what I said then. It was as if his latest letter set me free of all of those limitations I'd set onto myself.  
  
I wanted to be like him. Not in the aspect of a warrior, but in the was that everything Heero does, he does to the fullest. He never leaves one thing undone. It is as if there is a computer checking and rechecking each motion and if one twitch is left out, he automatically corrects it.  
  
Every experience--look-touch--even every breath his presence is so full of an awesome significance that pulls me into his whirlwind mind. Every twist and spin spills into the highest level of brightness and it is all intense.  
  
The intenseness of him coming to my window was much too much for me. The amount of emotion that comes with Heero is overwhelming.  
  
Overwhelming.  
  
For once in my life--I din't want to have him overwhelm me. So I didn't write.  
  
I didn't write to him: I felt badly about it for awhile...  
  
About two months after my 21st birthday I did write to him. I'm not sure what compelled me. At the time I was in the process of working on the World Nation Constitution with various other delegates.  
  
South and I were also growing closer.  
  
I suppose I felt guilty for simply never writing back. The letter, though I don't remember well, apologized and updated him on my position. I'm pretty sure that it was one of my longer letters, but I am afraid that I threw it away out of disappointment.  
  
I mailed the letter, like I always did. I would write nothing but Heero's name on the front of the envelope and send it out in my 'out-box'.   
  
A few weeks later Duo showed up at my Berlin office, unaccompanied by Hilde.  
  
Odd situation...  
  
He looked nervous and uncharacteristically out of his comfort zone. I invited him in to sit and asked him his business.  
  
Instead of replying, he tossed an envelope onto my desk top.  
  
It was my letter to Heero.  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
"If any mail ever came through here to Heero, I was to be notified, so that I might deliver it to him. I was his keeper.  
"I never told anyone where he was--not even Hilde...But now...  
  
"He was living in the lower part of the C-24578 colony, but when I finally got a chance to deliver your letter, he wasn't there. His apartment was empty.  
  
"His boss said he'd left a few weeks before.  
  
"He never said he was going."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"I'm sorry. I don't know what to do with your letter. You haven't written for so long."  
  
His last sentence carried my thoughts to a place that will never exit my memory. Shortly after moving to Berlin, I acquired an archaic book--a collection of German short stories.  
  
In one of these stories, "Eine Postkarte für Herr Altenkirch," by Barabara Honigmann. In the story the narrator rented a room from a lonely old man whom lived along in a lower scale apartment building--a Hinterhof. He never got any telephone calls, (Telephone--like I said, it was an ancient book._ or visitors, but at breakefast, he would show the narrator the postcards he'd received from former tenants. The narrator says to herself that she will send Herr Altenkirch a postcard after she leaves.   
  
After she does leave, she buys a card and writes a note to him, but never sends it. One day, after Herr Altenkirch has died, she finds the card and wonder why she never sent it. Then, she pictures Herr Altenkirch checking his mail like he did every day, hoping for a card from her and then never getting one.  
  
It says, "Mit der Zeit die Hoffnung langsam schwand, aber die Entäuschung sicher blieb," which translates to mean, "Over time, the hopes slows and ceases, but the disappointment sure stays."  
  
That's what I felt when Duo left. I had been thinking that Heero would just always be there. Though, ;I could imagine Heero looking for the letter like Herr Altenkirch and finally giving up in disappointment.  
  
I think now though, that what bothered me the most was that I could no longer change my mind. Heero was gong and apparently did not want to be found.  
  
  


Entry 9: Intelligence.  
Date: 01.20.02  
POV: Heero  
  
  


I didn't disappear not to be found. Quite the contrary, I was purposefully putting myself out in the spot light. The only real difference was, that I just didn't let anybody know what I was doing.  
  
It's not like I had an obligation too.  
  
After leaving C-24578, I flew straight to Frankfurt, where I rented a small blue car which I drove to Constance.  
  
The city of Constance (Konstanz in German), in the state of Deutschland, capitol state of the World Nation.  
  
I had gone there to secure a job with the Preventors, but before I could pull myself to the headquarters, I stayed in Konstanz for a few days. I let myself get acclimated with the village, and let the village get acquainted with me.  
  
It was beautiful, all I imagined and more.  
  
I had imagined that in Germany, a country made up of Anglo-Saxons, I would stick out like I had in the Sank, being Japanese and all.  
  
I didn't.  
  
I was able to blend in and become one of the locals. I was able to ride across die Boden See ( Lake Constance) without being seen as a tourist.  
  
No one in the market questioned my accent or tried to speak to me in my native language.  
  
With the small amount of saving I had, I procured a small _Hinterhof_ apartment. It was comfortable would easily become cluttered.  
  
I felt at home.  
  
When I was comfortable with my surroundings I took an ancient form of transportation called an electronic street car to the Preventors application and training center on the outskirts of the main base.  
  
Once inside, I asked for an application and sat to fill it out.  
  
All was fine until I cam to the question on the questionnaire which inquired what I did during the war...I marked soldier and other, since technically I didn't have an army to fight it. Under other I wrote the letters GMSP--Gundanium Mobile Suit Pilot.  
  
It was a risk, since my identity had yet to be discovered, and I regret to think of what would become of me if such a thing were to happen... But it sounded like a good idea at the time.  
  
Two days later I was called back for an interview and a physical.  
  
Upon arriving at the same building I found myself being escorted to a larger building where I was told my interview would take place.  
  
If they thought that I was taken in by their petty lies, they were terrible mistaken. I knew that I was being lead to the main building.  
  
I knew this base just as well as they did. I knew exactly where they were taking my.  
  
After being seating in a large burgundy and mahogany room, I was left to myself for close to twenty minutes.  
  
They were watching me.  
  
There was a camera hidden in a paper weight on the desk directly across from me. I stared into it the entire time.  
  
After my period of isolation, Lady Une walked into the office importantly, while still appearing casual.  
  
"Afternoon Heero," she nodded as she took a seat across from me.  
  
"Do you interview all prospective employees?" I asked, doubting highly that that was the case.  
  
"No, only the ones that were formally Gundam Pilots."  
  
It was only the second time I ever met her, but it was as if the meaning behind our words was understood, and we were able to remain curt and cold without discomfort.  
  
"How did you know it was me?"  
  
"Nobody knows it's you, the Gundam Pilot, if that's what you're thinking.....In the minds of the people, Heero Yuy is a forgotten diplomat, not a Gundam Pilot."  
  
I said nothing, but I suppose I did not appear convinced.  
  
"I run a check weekly on the applications to see if any of you try to sneak in under my nose. I'd almost given up hope--after so many years... I'm glad I didn't..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Any of the Gundam Pilots would be a valuable asset of the Preventors and would automatically be offered a high-level rank."  
  
She sounded rehearsed.  
  
"You have Wufei," I said.  
  
"He's pure Prevention and Research. I was thinking that you might be better suited to Intelligence, and Security, since you suggested it on your application...."  
  
"You're offering me head of department?"  
  
"Maybe not head, I can't just go firing a senior officer because a twenty-one year-old genius applies, even if he has a lot of potential."  
  
"I applied for technical intelligence and/or body guarding--both at entry level positions."  
  
"Surely you would be better suited with a more challenging position. you could do so much."  
  
"I will not take anything higher than entry-level intelligence."  
  
"You _are_ adamant aren't you?"  
  
"I just don't want special treatment."  
  
"Afraid someone will learn your secret?"  
  
I said nothing. She took this as an affirmative answer, when I actually just wanted to be a normal employee. I just wanted to...  
  
"I see... Well, you will enter the intelligence division at entry-level, with occasional body guard duty--because of the excellent physical you will provide for us. Also, from time to time, you may be consulted on security matter because you came 'highly recommended'.   
  
"Go to building 6A for your physical and 6B to be fitted for your uniforms.   
  
"You will begin next Monday. Report to building 2M at 0830 hours."  
  
  
  
And that's the way it was....  
  


Thanks for reading guys. Like I said before, I really appreciate it. I didn't think that this story would really become popular, but as far as I know, it's one of my most read stories. It's only been out for a few weeks, and already it's reviews rival Magatama's. And that story (it's my baby) has been out for at least six months... Anyway. I hope to update soon...And anybody looking for Magatama, I'm in the process of writing the next chapter...  
  
Jupiter(t).  
  



	6. Entries 10 and 11

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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
It's here, it's here, and it's not over this time either. It's only about half over, so stop squirming.   
  
Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate it.  
  


Entry 10: Bliss  
Date: 01.31.02  
Time: 1:20 PM  
POV: Relena  
  


I have fond memories of the time when I had no correspondence with Heero. Not because of that, but just because it was a grand period of my life.  
  
Those that wanted to be a part of the One World Nation had ratified the constitution--my job had changed a bit--since a one nation world hardly needs a _foreign_ minister, but I did my best to be useful... I was busy, but not so busy that I did not have a life outside my job. I was young.  
  
I saw much of South, especially when the Senate was in session.  
  
I loved him. I honestly believe that I loved him.  
  
It was on the 24th of Januarty AC 202--I was still only 21--very young.  
  
We had taken a trek outside Berlin--where there was a little open pasture--it had been recently made into a park. There were beautifully carved stone benches and small tree that were grown to about ten feet high.  
  
That night all the trees were bare and about an inch of snow covered the ground--some of it was ice.  
  
South and I were walking through the ice on the way to our favorite spot. There was an ancient weeping will which appeared to have been in that same spot since the beginning of time.  
  
I shivered and linked his arm with mine, pulling our bodies closer as we breathed fog into the crisp night air. The ground was slick and we moved slowly against the wind.  
  
My teeth chattered.  
  
"It is beautiful tonight isn't it?" South mused, looking heavenward where the mixture of clouds and electric lanterns gave the sky an orange hue that reflected in the snow.  
  
I was about to answer when I felt his arm fall from mine and his feet flew into the air as he landed clumsily on his back.  
  
"South," I cried as I carefully knelt beside him. He chuckled slightly as he propped himself up on his elbows.  
  
"I suppose that'll teach you to where leather soled shoes in the snow," I teased.  
  
He looked foolishly regal, laying there in the snow with his black hair gone slightly gray... (Remember, he was thirty-four at the time). and he had very distinct laugh lines on his slim, square face.  
  
I loved him.  
  
"I'll teach you something--" he said and pulled me down in the snow beside him and kissed me.  
  
"I love you," I said as he pulled away.  
  
"Do you really?" he said. I nodded and smiled.  
  
He helped me up.  
  
We walked the rest of the way to our tree in silence.  
  
Once there, I immediately sat atop the cold bench, relishing the windbreak provided by the tree's enveloping branches.  
  
South did not sit, but stood in front of me. I looked up with questioning eyes.  
  
He did not meet my gaze. His hands were in his pockets and he didn't look very stable.  
  
He stumbled and ended up in front of me on his knees.  
  
I giggled.  
  
One of his hands grasped mine, I thought in an attempt to pull himself up again, instead he balanced himself by raising one leg so that he was kneeling on one knee.  
  
"I love you," he said after locking eyes with me.  
  
"I love you too," I said curiously.  
  
We stayed in that position a moment longer.  
  
"Relena," he began. "I've watched you grow from a young girl, just starting to find herself into a beautiful, powerful woman. I realize that most of that watching was done through the media, but the past two years have been an extraordinary time of growth for you. You have given up childhood obsessions while still staying innocent and I love you for it. You've done so much with your life. You've lead a country, started a school, united the world. You've even ruled it....I want to give you an opportunity to do much more...  
  
"I know you are much younger than I, and I know that you have said you would rather wait a couple more years...I love you Relena, and I would truly be honored if you would come be the Queen of My World."  
  
A large diamond ring was then slid onto my left ring finger. A bold move. I contemplated taking it off, just to receive a reaction, but my judgment warned me against such action. Instead, I threw my arms around his neck, which knocked him backward into the snow with me on top of him, kissing him like crazy.  
  
"Does that mean you'll marry me?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
We kissed to seal the deal.  
  
Later, plans were made to wait until I was twenty-four. I didn't want to be too young, and South didn't want to be too old. He would have just turned thirty-six when we planned to marry.  
  
I was ecstatic.  
  
I couldn't have been happier.  
  
My brother even approved--though he looked disappointed when I told him. I've come to expect dour expressions from Milliardo.....  
  
Sunday, June 8th, 204, at 3:00PM on the Lake Constance was win my wedding to South Evans was to take place...  
  
But now....  
  


Entry 11: Paranoia  
Date: 02.02.02  
Time: 8:56 am  
POV: Heero  
  
  
  


"Come be the Queen of my world"?  
  
Either Relena's memory is really beginning to fail her or Senator Evans was seriously corny. Instead of a way to propose, it sounds like a grungy pick-up line.  
  
What's wrong with "Willy you marry me"? Why beat around the bush?  
  
"Come be the Queen of my World"?   
I hate to trample, but it just disgusts me.  
  
  
  
Anyway.  
  
  
Working at the Preventors was...different than I thought it would be. But I like it.  
  
The work I did was all on computers--finding the bad guys as my supervisor put it. I was promoted fairly quickly through the ranks because of my 'hacking prowess'. (Not that I don't think Lady Une had a hand in that.)  
  
  
At the Preventors, the employees have a required physical every three months. On my six month physical i was told I needed glasses. They said most everybody who worked in intelligence long enough did--all that looking at computer screens in the dark really does something to the eyes.+++  
  
He went on to mumble about how he'd told Lauer--the head of my department--not to keep it so dark, but he wouldn't listen--kill his agents' eyesight...  
  
I got contacts. I was better not to show any outward sign of weakness.  
  
I spent my time doing research and my daily training time in the gym.  
  
Nothing particularly exciting happened for the first year or so... Nothing worth recording anyway.  
  
Not long after I was promoted for the third time, I was assigned the task of seeking out possible assassination conspiracies for the upcoming World Nation Session. Each year, my department monitored all coming, goings, goings on, and gossip having to do with the session--and even the happenings in the few countries that were not part f the World Nation.  
  
It was a stressful time--and I got assassinations and conspiracies. Evidently I was good at poking around in that area. My boss said that my body guarding experience is what helped me land that one. "I knew what kind of people to look for."  
  
Indeed, I did.  
  
To find an assassin, I needed only to look in a mirror--  
that's not true.  
  
I wasn't an assassin anymore--no long a 'terrorist'. I was a Preventor--under Lady Une--my former enemy.  
  
I was an Intelligence Specialist. If I looked in the mirror I would see a man with large purple bags under his eyes, messy hair and a crumpled blue uniform.  
  
I was an assassin all of my life until then--when I began to hunt them.  
  
I knew though, that if the call ever came, I _could_ again slip into what I had lived most of my life as--but now...  
  
I'm not a lost puzzle piece.   
  
I knew where I was.  
  
  
I think why the job at the Preventors suited me so much was because I was helping a cause.  
  
I was fighting for a peaceful world, yet I was required to kill nothing.  
  
Killing had become a sinful pleasure in battle, but I always hated myself for it. At the Preventors I didn't _have_ to--not behind my computer anyway.  
  
The computers--the impersonal ness of the dark office. It was almost as if they didn't want us to know each other.  
  
I was thankful.  
  
Not only did the atmosphere suit me, but it kept me from being discovered.  
  
My most dreaded fear was that one of my co-workers might accidentally happen upon a database that might reveal my identity. (I did work for intelligence after all--we were supposed to be able to dig into classified and Top Secret areas.) And there I would be, sitting next to him...just waiting to be found....   
  


+++This is a little tribute to Maxine. I got the Idea from her story What Happened to Being Perfect? where Heero get glasses--I hope you don't Mind Maxine... Thank you for always reviewing and for even reading Magatama  
  
+++ Jupiter(t).  
  



	7. Entry 12

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
It's here, it's here, and it's not over this time either. It's only about half over, so stop squirming.   
  
Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate it.  
  


Entry 12: Conspiracy  
POV: Heero  


Once I was assigned to the World Nation session for AC 204, I searched fervently for anything that might hinder the proceedings of the session.  
  
The session was supposed to take place in Berlin from March to August with two three week furloughs--one in April and one started June 6th and ended June 26th.  
  
Relena's wedding was to take place on the 8th and the couple was due to return from their honeymoon on June 24th.  
  
Of course the sessions would be off-it was only the most important wedding of the century.  
  
Nonsense. The century had just started. It was only AC 204--there were still ninety-five and a half years left--any number of weddings could occur.  
  
  
It angered me.  
  
I'm not sure exactly what _about_ it angered me--the fact that the session had been planned around _The Wedding_ or that Relena had forgotten about me.  
  
Everyone had 'forgotten' about me. I hadn't told Duo where I moved--but I had contacted him--with my untraceable Preventor computer.  
  
He traced it.  
  
I know because I received a message back only three days later. He said he'd keep my secret because he understood. That was back when I first started.  
  
The only other person from the war that I had occasional contact with--besides Lady Une--was Wufei.  
  
In my mind Lady Une made him my correspondent because we were both Gundam pilots. She is a little silly like that.  
  
He never asked me anything--and I never asked about his life. The only relationship we shared was purely business.  
  
We were not affectionate men.  
  
It was from Wufei that I made one of my most....well, he gave me some information.  
  
I was working at my computer and he came--unscheduled.  
  
He had been present at the Session that day, working his way through the crowds, picking out those who could possibly be a threat--and he had found something.  
  
"I think it's big," he said. "But I'm not sure where to go with it."  
  
"And I do?"  
  
"I was hoping that you'd have an idea."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
He dug into his coat pocket and pulled out a miniature sound recorder. Setting on the desk, he pushed play.  
  
There was the general sound of a crowd, static. After a minute, a few distinct voices could be heard beyong the footsteps.  
  
_I think that that bakery on the corner looks like..._  
  
FOOTSTEPS  
  
_I'm telling you someone fucking stole my wallet..._  
  
FOOTSTEPS  
  
_Come now.._  
  
FOOTSTEPS  
  
_What about a press conference._  
  
FOOTSTEPS CEASE  
  
_Well, there's bound to be one sometime.  
  
Relena will be ther if there is one.  
  
We should talk about this later.  
  
Do you think email is safe?  
  
Yeah--ctffse@memebers.c01  
  
Right.  
  
_ Wufei reached up and turned it off.  
  
"You need me for that?"  
  
"No. Two men--European, on the council for L1--waiting for a press conference...It seems almost normal doesn't it? But...."  
  
"It's not," I said.  
  
"Exactly. I thought you might be able to do some work with it."  
  
"I'll see what I can come up with."  
  
There was a sense of dangerous anticipation behind that conversation.  
** I ended up intercepting many email between the two conspirators. The two geniuses were fellow members of the council on C-24578 along with South Evans--the colony where I used to live...  
  
They though, according to their email, though that Relena was affecting South's judgment as head of the colony council.  
  
The only way to eliminate this problem, of course, was to exterminate Relena.  
  
**

I'm sorry that was so short guys, but it was kind of an interlude...which means we're getting close to the end...I'm so excited.  
  
  
  
Jupiter(t).  
  


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1. Prolog2. Entries 1-43. Entry 54. Entries 6 and 75. Entries 8 and 96. Entries 10 and 117. Entry 12


	8. Entires 13 and 14

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
It's here, it's here, and it's not over this time either. It's only about half over, so stop squirming.   
  
Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate it.  
  


Entry 12: The Beginning  
POV: Relena  


A kiss has the habit of provoking many different emotions in a being. Thus, a kiss may similarly signify various feelings.  
  
The kind of kiss most people would think of--the most common kind--is an affectionate kiss. This caring connection brings a couple closer together and ties them with a momentary bond of passion. I believe this is the most popular of all the kisses.  
  
The second most known kiss, I believe, is the desperate kind. The kind where one out the of the two--or maybe even both--is just looking for something--anything in that other person's lips to hang onto. He or she needs that other person, right then, to keep him or herself going.  
  
Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss--a deceptive kiss to signify that He was, indeed, the Saviour. This is almost the worst kind of kiss.  
  
Though, the most wretched kiss of them all--and the one that lingers on the lips for an eternity is the kind of kiss that incorporates all three of these elements into one. This is the _only _ type of kiss I had _ever_ received from Heero Yuy.  
  
A muddled kiss is one of confusion and dissatisfaction--and when one of the couple leaves without sorting out those emotions--the two land straight back n the middle of them once they are reunited.  
  
That's what happened when Heero came back into my life.  
  
That's when the chaos ensued.  
  
  
  
Before April I had no regular body guard at The Session--which is to say that I was only ever guarded by whomever was on duty while we were assembled. But, upon returning from our first furlough near the end of April, I was sent a memo stating that both South and I had been assigned body guards by the Preventors.  
  
Now, at the time this did not seem odd, since the Preventors were always overly cautious. So, South and I both consented and our body guards were to be waiting for us on our first day back.  
  
The day was clear and the sun rose early, which is unusual for an April day in Germany, which is normally cold and rainy.  
  
Normaleweise...  
  
Normally...  
  
Normal--not something I am familiar with anymore.  
  
South had been staying at my home--though not staying in my room--during The Session. He escorted me down to the foyer that morning to meet our new chaperones.   
  
I almost fell over when I saw _him_ standing stiffly in front of a marble pillar, or which the other man was leaning against.  
  
All of the emotions that I had forsaken cam screeching back to me in one moment--and I tried my best to ignore them like I had so many times.  
  
Heero, obviously the superior officer, stepped forward and introduced himself as my bodyguard and then the other man, Private Wolfgang von Goethe** (pronounced Volfgong fone Gootta--very German name...) as South's.  
  
Immediately I redirected my emotional frustration toward Heero by making him uncomfortable.   
  
"Oh Heero, please do not be so frigid. We've known each other much too long for such formalities!"  
  
He stepped back with an unchanging expression as I pulled South closer.  
  
"South, this is Heero Yuy. We went to St. Gabriel's together when we were younger. He fought in the war and we had kept correspondence until just a few years ago."  
  
"It's nice to meet you Herr Yuy," South stuck out his hand, trying out his German.  
  
"Dozo yorushiku,***" Heero bowed using their native tongue.  
  
South bowed in return and I brimmed, while rubbing my right should, which housed an impossible uncomfortable knot.  
  
"Heero used to live in L1," I explained. It gladdened me to see a connection between the men, and I relaxed.  
  
"What a small world."  
  
"Should leave," Goethe said in broken English, while tapping his watch.  
  
"Wir gehen jetzt,"****I smiled and headed out the door on the arm of my fiance, sighing to have successfully escaped any further confrontation.  
  
I suppose in essence I was showing South off to Heero. In another way I was hiding. I coulnt' dare let it show how much I dreaded facing Heero.  
  
I was confused.  
  
Why was he still protecting me?  
  
Why was he a _Preventor_?  
  
How long had he been in Germany?  
  
What would happen after Session broke for the day and I was with him, alone?  
  
I was afraid of what might happen--of what he might say to me.  
  
I suppose I was still a bit too much of a romantic when concerning Heero.  
  
It wasn't unnerving having him there--it was oddly comforting actually. The only time I did mind his presence--when I found utterly annoying--was when making final preparations for my wedding...  
  
My wedding.....hn.....  
  
  
  
Finally one night as I lay in bed, reading, and he sat in a corner of my room, I became fed up with not knowing the fully reasons of his presence.  
  
"Why are you here?" I said.  
  
"It's my job," he replied.  
  
How disappointing. One would have thought that maybe _I_ had something to do with it. We had a connection right? Didn't we?  
  
"But why you? Why not someone generic like Goethe?" (  
"Goethe isn't generic....I asked to guard you."  
  
So did he really _want_ be here or not. Please tell me Heero, I need to know...  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I was the one to discover the conspiracy. It is only natural to volunteer."  
  
"What conspiracy?"  
  
"That doesn't concern you."  
  
What? A conspiracy? That's what brought him to me. We're back where we always were. He only came when I needed to be protected.  
  
"Evidently it does, Heero. Otherwise you wouldn't be here."  
  
"It is only another assassination conspiracy I stumbled upon. This is only a precautionary measure. Don't worry about."  
  
"What makes me worried is that it brought you out of hiding."  
  
"I wasn't in hiding. It would have been easy for you to find me. All you had to do was ask."  
  
Ask? Ask who? That had never worked before.  
  
"And who would I have asked?"  
  
Well, Lady Une, Wufei, Sally, Duo knew, Noin, and Zechs...they all know I am working for the Preventors...."  
  
What? Milliardo? My own brother knew?  
  
"I wonder why my brother didn't bother to tell me."  
  
"Was it of any concern to you? Most likely not--you've had Evans. There has been no need for me until now."  
  
But it was of concern to me. I still cared about him, even if I was no longer romantically interested in him. I was still infatuated with him. I would always be. We had a connection that became apparent after Mariemaia's War.***** I would never forget that.  
  
"You are frustrating."  
  
I heard him chuckle. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"I feel horribly. I'm sorry I stopped writing."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I never meant to loose touch..."  
  
He stood and stepped to my bed, where he set himself at the food without making it wiggle."  
  
"It doesn't matter, Relena."  
  
I contemplated this. Did it matter? I had made it not matter for years. I had more or less forgotten about him because it was convenient. And now, here he was, on my bed, wearing glasses....spouting more weaknesses than I had ever though possible for him to spout."  
  
"Are you happy now?" I asked.   
  
"More so than the last time that we talked. I doubt if I will ever be happy. Content is a better word."  
  
"Me too...content."  
  
I gazed up a him and I felt helpless. All this time--though trying hard not to show it outwardly I was as confused as the night when Heero had dropped from my hotel room window on C-24578.  
  
"You should go to sleep," he said, standing up.  
  
I complied, burying myself in my bedclothes.  
  
"Don't you ever sleep? I asked.  
  
"Occasionally," was his reply.  
  
I didn't understand, but I wanted him to be present the day I got married.  
  
"You well come to my wedding won't you?"  
  
"Perhaps..." he said and I went to sleep.  
  
  


Entry 14: And We All Fall Down  
POV: Heero  
  


Not long after the night Relena wrote about a press conference was scheduled so that the relations between Great Britain and the World Nation could be discussed. Britain and it's space colonies, like for most of it's history had remained "splendidly isolated" when the World Nation was formed. Lately, the situation was growing rocky, and being Foreign Minister, Relena was to comment on the situation at hand.  
  
A press conference--exactly what I had been dreading. Though, in my research I had not stumbled upon anything new related to this case--so I had no legitimate reason to prevent the rally from occurring.  
  
That day everything was all set up on an outdoor stage with a blue fabric lining running along the edges, concealing what was underneath the stage. A blue backdrop, with the World Nation insignia hung behind a microphone laden podium. Lights and press were intermingled and many other people milled about. I kept my eyes open.   
  
The entourage on the stage consisted of President Marsden, his posse, Relena, Evans, Goethe, and myself.  
  
That day was so chaotic.  
  
The president spoke first, though simply as a formality. Relena stepped up to the mike, with me close behind. I didn't hear what she was saying because, like Goethe, I was still scanning the crowd and the surrounding buildings for any possible threat. Crowds were hard to analyze, though typically this was not a decent vantage point for an assassin. I mostly concentrated on the tall buildings around me.  
  
My eyes scoured for an open window or even the tip of a sniper rifle peaking up over the top of a roof. I saw nothing. My ear piece chirped, and I told my team to wait. "Warte"  
  
My ears were alert, ignoring the noise of the crowd and Relena, instead I listened for the screeching swish of a corporate window opening as Relena wound down her speech.  
  
As she thanked her crowd, I heard it--the smooth sliding of a window opening with an unprofessional haste behind me. "Back but wait!" I barked into my concealed mike.  
  
I knew I only had about thirty seconds. I turned to it and gave Goethe the finger, upside down, which signified that there was a fucker in the back. That finger pointed in any direction meant that that was where the assassin was. He looked up and pointed to his left.  
  
Two.  
  
My eyes moved even though my head didn't and I saw the gun pointing at Relena from an open window on the fourteenth floor of an office building.  
  
Evans reached for Relena's arm, but Goethe put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Evans paled.  
  
Instead, I took Relena's arm and hurried her. Goethe was behind me, herding Evans.  
  
That's when I heard a crack, followed quickly by another. I wanted to puke.  
  
I pushed Relena through the backdrop, and off the stage, purposefully knocking President Marsden with her. I landed on top of both and kept them there as Evans and Goethe fell through on top of us.  
  
We were still in full range of the assassin in the back, but both men had already used their one shot.  
  
An assassin can never shoot more than once from the same spot--that's how he gets caught.  
  
I raised my eyes and the window was closed. I moved my hand to my mike and saw that it was soaked in a sticky, crimson liquid. Blood.   
  
"Go!!!Geh!!" I screamed to the SWAT team waiting for my command. "Schnell!! JETZT! Go Now!"  
  
Goethe was screaming the same thing to his team.  
  
I felt Relena shuddering below me and I moved from atop her and the President.  
  
The president looked me directly in the eye, asking if the danger had passed. I nodded slightly.  
  
"Thank you, young man," he said, sitting up.  
  
Relena still cowered and a puddle of blood surrounded her.  
  
I rolled her over with my heart pounding and saw the blood spurting from the bottom of her right shoulder.  
  
Goethe tapped me desperately. He had his jacket pressed forcefully over Senator Evans' chest. It was soaked in blood.   
  
"Call a fucking ambulance!" I ordered, screaming in every language I knew, as I pulled my own jacket from my body and wrapped over Relena's shoulder.  
  
Mission Failed.  
  
Failed.  
  

  
  


**Wolfgang von Goethe is my tribute to the German poet--and once of my favorite poets, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. He is like Germany's Shakespeare. He's also apparent in Magatama, if you know his poem "Der Erlkonig" (The Elfking)  
  
***What one says in Japanese the first time one meets someone else. Formal. I'm not sure I spelled it right since I don't have my Japanese notes with me right now, but that's basically how it goes.  
  
****--German--We're going now. *****I have mentioned the incident after Mariemaia's War a few different times through out the story, but have never explained. It will be explained, and it will be mostly from Heero's POV, if not all. I just haven't decided whether I want to make it a side story, or to put it at the end of the Journal. Either way, you will eventually find out what happens.  
  

  
  


I am getting so excited. I have been waiting to write this part for so long!! I am so happy it's finally out. I hope you guys enjoy it. I'll try to get the next part out soon, but I make no promises.  
  
Jupiter(t).  
  



	9. Entries 15 and 16

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
It's here, it's here, it's finally here. Sorry, but real life was interfering a lot with my writing. I was really trying though. You should see my writing journal, it's got all of my school notes in it now, because during class was the only time I had to write. Anyway, here it is.   
  
Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate it.  
  


Entry 15: Waking Up  
Music: Train: Self-titled  
POV: Relena  
  


I woke up by myself in a softly decorated pink hospital room. I felt drugged, but no pain really--a couple of dull aches, nothing really more than that.  
  
I suppose that I was a little disoriented, but I don't really remember that much about when I woke up. i do remember that I was along for a long time, and I couldn't move my right arm. I didn't really examine what could have been wrong, just noted that it was wrapped.  
  
I was pretty drowsy.  
  
I remember my senses awakening to the fact that the evening was shining in the window onto my face and that there were birds chirping and cicadas were buzzing.  
  
I began to feel the pain of the IV in my left hand and the sting of whatever wound I had in my shoulder. As the pain intensified and my mind cleared I began to remember what had happened.  
  
The press conference had gone smoothly until the end of my speech, when I noticed Heero had moved closer to me.  
  
I figured he was being protective and I tried not to let it show that I was aware of the potential danger.  
  
I let Heero escort me down instead of South--and then Heero pushed me-hard. And then I heard the gunshot and I fell through the backdrop, and I remember the bullet piercing my shoulder.  
  
That was it. I had been shot.  
  
I think I passed out after that. I hadn't been feeling well that day. How long ago was that day?--I couldn't remember.  
  
I remember asking myself what South would think of the situation. That's when I remembered that he had been there too. What had happened to him?   
  
Where was South?  
  
I couldn't recall a think about him after Heero relieved him from escorting me.  
  
A small meek nurse entered the room, checking all my vitals and what not. "Könnten Sie mir bitte erklären wo Herr Evans ist?" I said.´(1) My throat was dry.  
  
Immediately the mousy girl poured me a glass of ice water.  
  
"Sie dürfen ihn nicht jetzt sehen."(2)  
  
"Warum nicht?" I asked.(3)  
  
"Der Artz spricht, 'Nein'"(4)  
  
"Danke," I said curtly.(5)  
  
"Bitte," she answered, bowing out of the room.(6)  
  
I closed my burning eyes and sipped the water until it was gone.  
  
the room was warm and my heavy eyelids pleaded with the rest of my body to relax.   
  
When I awoke, it wsa sunny again--the day was--I couldn't say. The number of hours that had passed while I slept could have been anywhere from five to seventy.  
  
I didn't know.  
  
I attempted to stretch, but my right shoulder screamed as my spine howled, and my lef arm was numbed due to the IV.   
  
"You shouldn't stretch your wounds," a soft, tried voice told me.  
  
I hadn't realized that I wasn't alone.  
  
He carried his plastic chair from the cornor to the side of my bed and sat, stradling the back of the chair, his arms folded and resting on top of it.  
  
He looked haggard. his hair was limp and greasy. His ussually bright eyes were dulled. "You look horrible," I said.  
  
"Likewise," he snorted.  
  
We sat for a moment in silence. He was angry, so I apologized.  
  
"It was _my_ job to protect you," he said.  
  
"But you did when you threw me back--you saved my life."  
  
"I failed."  
  
His hands gripped the chair back fiercely as his eyes searched the floor.  
  
"I am alive--"  
  
"Relena," he said, hooking his searching eyes to mine, "I _Failed_!"  
  
"I am alright though."  
  
"But you are not safe yet..."  
  
"There will always be assassins Heero.  
  
"That's not what I mean."  
  
"What else could it be?" I asked. Something else was wrong--and it frightened me.  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"Heero. Tell me what it is."  
  
He stood and reached for the file at the foot of my bed. He flipped the metal folder open, scanning for the correct scribble.  
  
I grew anxious.  
  
"You should read for yourself," he told me, shaking his head.  
  
I took the notebook and read the paragraph he had pointed to.  
  
It read: "Patient suffers from gun shot wound to the right shoulder. Clean shot--no exit. Fractured collar bone and two cracked vertebrae. From examination of the bone damage, there are clusters of abnormal cells clinging around the bones, most likely having spread from the mass which is about a half an inch up and to the left of the gun shot wound. Biopsy has been done, awaiting malignancy results.  
  
Cells.  
Abnormal Cells...  
  
Malignancy.  
  
"I have cancer?" I asked, trying to restrain the tears the had started to slip down my cheeks.  
  
Heero closed his eyes and sighed, then nodded, looking as if he might cry himself.  
  
"The doctor said that you were lucky I didn't break your back when I pushed you."  
  
"Heero..." I said.  
  
My mind turned to South. Did he know about my condition?  
  
"Where's South?" I asked.   
  
Heero visibly cringed.  
  
"Does he know?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Well, he need to know," I said, trying to remain calm. All I wanted was South to envelope me and tell me that he was there for me. To tell me that I would be alright.  
  
"No Relena."  
  
"Can't you bring him here?" I was losing it.  
  
He shook his head. I freaked out.  
  
"Then I suppose I'll have to go to him then!" I stood up rather quickly. Heero was at my side in time to steady me as my vomit spread across the floor.  
  
"Relena, sit down," he said. I obeyed.  
  
Heero straightened out my IV and pushed the call button.  
  
"Why hasn't any one told him yet?" I asked. Tears--there were so many tears.  
  
Sighing, Heero sat beside me, snaking his arm carefully around my shoulders.  
  
"He can't know."  
  
"Why?" "He was shot Relena...in the back." I gasped. "Relena--he's dead."  
  
I collapsed into Heero, who, I could feel was weaker than normal. I could do nothing but weep now.  
  
He placed me back 'neath my covers as if I were a doll. Then he kissed my forehead--twice.  
  
I hated him.  
  
He took my hand and knelt at my bedside, gently pressing his lips to my cold fingers.  
  
I stop my tears and stick out my chin immediately when the nurse enters the room.  
  
"She tried to get up to fast," Heero explained. The nurse nodded and left to gather the correct supplies.  
  
"What is the date?" I asked. My mind was returning to its state of vertigo.  
  
"June 8th."  
  
"The Time?"  
  
His eyes traveled to his wrist watch. "10:07 AM."  
  
"June 8th huh?" I asked. He nodded.  
  
"I'm supposed to be getting married in three hours," I said.  
  
He nodded again.  
  
I pretended to sleep when the nurse came back. She shooed Heero out of the room, saying that he had upset me quite enough for one day..  
  
And then she cleaned up my puke.  
  
1--German--Could you please tell me where Mr. Evans is?  
  
2--German--You may not see him now.  
  
3--German--Why not?  
  
4-German-The doctor said, "No".  
  
5--German--Thanks--  
  
6--German--Your welcome.  
  


Entry 16: Climbing the Ego  
Music: Ben Fold's Five: Whatever and Even Amen: Missing the War  
POV: Heero.  
  


What reason did I have to stick around? I stayed at the hospital, waiting for her.  
  
Was is because I thought it might be decent since her brother's shuttle had been delayed? (Security had heightened, especially in any human transport port. Zechs had had trouble getting to his flight. He'd already had it scheduled of course, to come for the wedding...) Or, was it because I was concerned?  
  
After being told that she had cancer, I couldn't bring myself to leave. It wasn't just that I had failed--even though I had--her gunshot wound would heal.  
  
I was confused then, depressed, but I didn't know why. I t was a whole different emotion than I'd ever felt during the war. During the war, I'd only ever felt the need to move on--to complete the mission no matter what the obstacle. I'd felt remorseful and disappointed, but never then suffocating weight that pressed me from behind.  
  
I felt dead.  
  
Helpless.  
  
I couldn't do anything to save her this time.  
  
My peace was dying.  
  
I'd been dozing in a waiting room, my uniform jacket in a heap on the floor.  
  
I was dead tired.  
  
Zechs woke me from my dreaming--of which I had done none.  
  
"Yuy," he said.  
  
I opened one eye and raised my head slightly.   
  
"This is no time to sleep?"  
  
Lucrezia--Noin stood behind him. She looked plae.  
  
"Un," I grunted, acknowledging that he was probably right.  
  
I stood.  
  
"Come one. I'll take you to her."  
  
I stopped in front of her door to allow them to enter ahead of myself.  
  
Zechs and then Noin crossed the threshold into Relena's room. She was asleep again.  
  
I took a step toward the door, but a sturdy arm in a red sleeve wizzed past my face, creating enough of a breeze to stir my greasy bangs from their limp slumber.  
  
"Not this time Yuy," Zechs said. "She's no longer your responsibility."  
  
"He's worried," Noin mouthed from behind him. "Sorry."  
  
Noin looked more like Lucrezia that day than I've ever seen her. She was more worried than Zechs, she knew Relena better--She probably lover he more.  
  
I don't doubt that Zechs was worried, or even that he loved--loves--Relena, it's just not the conventional sort of sibling love. He protects her. He may be her brother, but the never grew up together. They don't know each other. They never have--and most likely never will.  
  
The sibling bond is between Noin--Lucrezia that day--and Relena.  
  
Zechs and I are too much alike.  
  
It's a curse.  
  
I loved her like a saviour--and an inconvenience. She brought out the humanness in me that I didn't know I had. And I was afraid of that, thus, intriqued by her--pulled into so much more...emotion.  
  
And then I began to love her helplessness.  
  
She was easy to love--and easy to disagree with. But she was also firey--in her own way--and thicker than mud.  
  
We attracted each other and clashed.  
  
We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle--but we were from two very different puzzles.  
  
I was back at my dozing chair and my laptop, which was in the chair next to me, played _Für Elise_.   
  
A transmission from Lady Une.  
  
  
Preventor Yuy,  
  
You orders are to stay guarding Minister Dorilan until I notify you otherwise.  
  
No press is allowed near her--and you are _not_ to anwer _any_ questions.  
  
Do not let anybody in to see her except hospital personnel and Zechs (occasionally).   
  
Make sure you stay _in _ uniform.  
  
Just a note, the assassin that shot Minister Dorilan is dead. He got shot while running from our soldiers. Senator Evan's murderer is still at large.  
  
If you have time, please see if he has made any contact with anyone. We have people working on it here, but you're our expert.  
  
Right now, you're priority is Minister Dorilan. There will be further communication. Keep your computer on.  
  
-General Lady Une  
  
I picked up my crumpled jacket. It stunk, and I'm pretty sure that I did too.  
  
I later called an aid from te office to bring me a fresh uniform and to relieve me long enough to shower.  
  
Relena's assassin was dead.  
  
Amateur.  
  
A press conference is so cliche--so..undignified.   
  
They fucking killed the wrong person.  
  
Ignorant politicians--you think with the kind of crime mobs that can be found in the colonies, they would have found two better trained assassins than that.  
  
What the hell was I doing though? Wasn't I a professional as well? I had worked on that project long enough to have known everything that was going to happen. What the fuck was I thinking?  
  
Why did I tell the teams to wait instead of apprehending them right away. I practically asked those assholes to try to kill them. Was I showing off?  
  
I cost Goethe his job. Frankly, I was surprised that I had managed to keep mine. That's what you get for saving the President too I suppose.  
  
Sometimes I think I wanted South to die. But, I wish, sometimes, that it would have been me instead of South Evans.  
  
Sometimes.  
  
I would feel better for Relena.  
  
Senator Evan's assassin was on the run. He got away.  
  
He was still slow to get out.  
  
While sitting, sweating in my uniform, forbidden to see my charge, I wanted to be out there with the pursuers.  
  
I wanted to give up any part of combat after Mariemaia's War. I had wanted to. I tried. I couldn't take it. As much as I had wanted to be a regular civilian....My training wouldn't allow it.  
  
I am a colonist. I will always be a colonist--but Germany suits me.  
  
Do I betray the Eve Wars by living on Earth? does being a Preventor's agent excuse me for such an atrocity?  
  
Then, in the hospital, I was restless. Now, I have as close to a normal life as i will ever have.  
  
I am happy.  
  

  
  


I figure I have roughly anywhere from three-five chapters left. I plan on finishing this before working on Magatama again. I don't like having two long stories going on at the same time. Sorry for the wait Magatama fans.  
  
Jupiter(t).  
  



	10. Entry 17

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
It's here, it's here, it's finally here. Sorry, but real life was interfering a lot with my writing. I was really trying though. You should see my writing journal, it's got all of my school notes in it now, because during class was the only time I had to write. Anyway, here it is.   
  
This is an interlude, and it's kinda different, but bear with me. It'll be ok, I promise.  
  


Date: 03.29.02  
Entry 17: Supplication  
POV: Heero  
  


_**Faithful to Me By: Jennifer Knapp**_  
  
_All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone  
that have crumbled like sand neath the waves  
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand  
just to watch them all wash away.  
  
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile  
To one who sees past all I've seen  
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand  
You're the only one who's faithful to me.  
You're the only one who's faithful to me.  
  
All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well   
I've thrown like stones to the see  
I've cast my lot, dropped my guard searched aimlessly  
for a faith to be faithful to me.  
  
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile  
To one who sees past all I've seen  
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand  
You're the only one who's faithful to me.  
You're the only one who's faithful to me.  
  
  
_

I had a black dream last night--literally. Everything in my dream was a shade of black.  
  
I will remember it forever.  
  
Vivid..  
  
Torturous..  
  
Alluring...  
  
How does one forget a dream including such stunning images....?  
  
It started with Relena, lying in her bed in the small apartment we now share. There was a little light, but nothing was in color. It was all black.  
  
She looked dead... She was dead...   
  
She was tired of fighting.   
  
I knew it was her cancer. It had to have been. She was still young. She could have stayed on at her job, but she resigned.   
  
"The political arena is a completely different battle than the one I must fight now...." she had said when announcing her resignation....when revealing her disease. The world had been so sympathetic....she received so many gifts and cards. She felt so guilty, but grateful all the same.  
  
That was when she'd asked me to help her, to come to her new small home. It wasn't just the mail and flowers that had become too much for her. She didn't have the energy. She said I was only a logical choice for her. I would be there, and be silent, and do what I felt necessary.   
  
I would help when it was needed.   
  
She needed time to grieve. It had been three months, and she had only begun to mourn the passing of South. She didn't blame my anymore.  
  
She was getting better.  
  
  
  
In my dream the nurse that visits every now and then to check on Relena pronounced her dead And the mortician came in to take her away.   
  
I held Relena's left hand, feeling the cool stiffness, noticing the blue tinge around her fingernails. There was a small band around her middle finger attached to another holding a small diamond. She still wore his ring. It looked different. I removed it and placed it in my shirt pocket.  
  
I didn't think she would want it destroyed.  
  
The nurse shoed me away while they took Relena from me.  
  
I peaked around the corner, wanting to see her go, but that's not what I saw. I saw a glinting stretcher with a red velvet--that's right, this was in color--bag buttoned around the shape of a small body. A lingering image for one to see--at any age.   
  
Don't ever peak around the corner. No matter how curious you may be. It will haunt you infinitely.  
  
The apartment faded from around me and I was in a church with humble cherry wood pews and astounding stained glass. Duo sat in front of me at the alter, his hand outstretched, a grin on his face. The gold cross he always wore around his neck was the only thing in the room with color. It shone more brightly than ever, almost like a beacon, nudging me to come. I knelt and that was when I woke.  
  
I was so disturbed that I rushed from the house in my pajama pants and a t-shirt. There was a church down the street. A Cathedral.   
  
The doors were open, and I went in. It felt different inside there. It tingled.  
  
There were candles lit in prayers rising to heaven.   
  
A priest knelt at the alter in supplication.  
  
Not wanting to disturb him, I sat on the pew behind him, watching the candles whispers their sacred words.  
  
Without thinking about it, I began to pray. It was something I had never seriously done.  
  
There have been times when I would shout out to anything for a bit of luck. But, prayer, to a god, to God--I had never done it. It would be admitting that I couldn't handle it. It would be admitting that I was weak. It would be admitting that I wasn't perfect.  
  
For some reason, last night, it didn't matter. The words ran over my lips and the utter helplessness I felt.  
  
I could do nothing. It was out of my hands.  
  
This time, I couldn't protect. I couldn't save her.  
  
The priest finished his prayers and nodded to acknowledge my presence. Sensing my distress he laid his hand on my shoulders, and lifted my concerns up to various saints who could direct my troubles correctly.  
  
It was uncomfortable, but I did not stop him. He was doing his job. I have heard Duo's stories, Men of the cloth most likely can be trusted.   
  
"Go with a renewed soul, my son," he said as he exited.  
  
Panic covered me on my way home.   
  
Relena. I had not even looked in on her....  
What if...what if?  
  
I found her, asleep by the toilet. She'd had a treatment the day before. They always made her nauseous.   
  
She had a pulse.  
  
I was silly to worry.  
  
A chunk of hair fell out as I picked her up to carry her to bed.  
  
The doctor's said that would happen.  
  
They've said a lot of things would happen...and I can't change them. 

This interlude is dedictated to my father, who was a little proud, and a lot in control. Now he's a minister and strong. He's been there and done that, and he's my role model. I love you daddy. 
  
  


I'm going to be writing another story, with a feel similar to this one. It's not going to be fanfic though, but it will be posted here. My original work, so far, has not been reviewed, so who knows if it's been read, but I'm really hoping people will read this one.   
  
I'm thinking it's going to be called A Different Color, but that's just the pending title. Who knows.  
  
I'm almost done with the next chapter of Magatama.  
  
--Marla  
  
  



	11. Entries 18 and 19

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
This one didn't take too long to get out now did it? I'm fairly proud of it myself. This is an interlude, and it's kinda different, but bear with me. It'll be ok, I promise.  
  


Entry 18: Sweet Nothings  
Music: Sarah McLachlan: _Mirror Ball_  
POV: Relena  
  


I still watch the news everyday.  
  
Sophie, my nurse, and Heero tell me I shouldn't. Sophie says it's because not being able to participate in the news making doesn't coincide well with my chemotherapy. It upsets me.  
  
Heero says it's because I always catch the celebrity spot lights. "Like it or not, you're a celebrity..." he says.  
  
So I am, and I do see myself on television from time to time. They say things about me--and my husband.  
  
They say that I betrayed South. They say that he let South die. Others say that he and I fell in love because of the incident--and that relationships based off "incidents" never work out. Other sources have said that surely ours is a romantic story, and a love that is destined to last.  
  
But, there is so much they don't know. They don't know that Heero has been there for me since I was fifteen. I have known him for a whole ten years--and for most of that time, I neglected him, but for every one of those ten years, I love him.  
  
Please, I did love South, but not that I look back, I can see that it probably wouldn't have lasted long. We both loved our careers too much. We were together for about three years, and I would have married him. It was as if some outside force stopped our wedding, in a most blunt fashion.  
  
I miss him. It's been a year since his death, and I was married only three weeks ago, two days before the anniversary of the day I was shot.  
  
It was almost ten months ago that Heero had his dream.  
  
Nothing about his proposal was grand or elaborate. It was simple, but beautiful.  
  
He and I were making our dinner. We were cooking rice, some fish--fresh from the market--fresh pineapple, carrots, and green and red peppers. We weren't talking. It had been a good day for me, but I was still a little shaky.  
  
He came behind me and rested his hands on my shoulders and began massaging my neck with his thumbs.   
  
I dropped my knife with a clatter onto the cutting board. A strong electric stream ran through me from head to toe. He hadn't touched me like that since...well, the night on L-1 years before.  
  
It felt good. The massage was a relief from the pain.   
  
"Did you know that I am considered your common-law husband?" He'd asked delicately. "I never really though about it." I said. "but I suppose that's right."  
  
"Does that bother you?" he asked.  
  
"No." I said after thinking. "Though, we don't really act as husband and wife."  
  
He nudged me to turn around and face him. His eyes were intense. His--he was completely tensed. His heart beat heavily--I could feel.  
  
I grew afraid.  
  
Then he kissed me. Not like he had ever kissed me before. My God--it was so different. Before he'd always been so confused. I had too.  
  
This time, we kissed like lovers--like he wanted to kiss me--to be with me.  
  
He stopped, most likely fearing that he might do something to upset me.  
  
"Ai...I...Ich--Ich liebe dich," he stumbled, finally finding his fit.  
  
"Ich liebe dich auch," I said. He still held my face in his hands. I could smell the food.  
  
"Would..would you mind acting like a married couple?" he said.  
  
"Only if we're not a common-law-married couple," I told him.  
  
"Hnn..." he searched himself, patting down his pockets. He only had on sweat pants and a t-shirt. I couldn't figure out what he was looking for. Then, out of his pocket he pulled a thin white gold ring.  
  
"Here," he said. "It's all I had.."  
  
I grinned and put it on my left ring finger.  
  
"Heero, the food's burning," I said and he tended our dinner.  
  
  
The wedding was also simple.  
  
We drove along the Lake Constance until we ound a little bundle of trees that created a tiny grove where, at dusk, the sun filtered through and reflected off the lake from the west. It was beautiful.  
  
Three days later we took Heero's priest and drove back there with Hilde and Duo.  
  
My brother didn't come, because I didn't tell him about it. I told Noin the day of, and she gave her congratulations. She was due with her and Milliardo's first childe any time. I didn't want to steal their glory.  
  
The child was born, a boy, a few days ago. His name is Victor Peacecraft Merquise. Quite fitting for my brother's first son isn't it?  
  
Thinking about that makes me wish I would be able to have children. Cancer treatment has a chance of pushing women into an early menopause. Chance...Well, ins't that a bitch?  
  
I have a husband now though, and I am thankful for that. Very thankful.  
  
At the wedding, I wore a very pale pink dress. It was very simple. Hilde helped me pick out the day before. It had thin straps and a tight bodice and a loose flowing train. It was perfect.  
  
Heero wore his dress uniform. He was very handsome.  
  
Afterwards we went out for dinner, but Heero brought me home early. I was very tired. It had been a hectic weak, and I was due for another treatment the next day.  
  
We didn't consumate the marriage for nearly a week because of that. I think we were both okay with that. It's hard sometimes, to be intimate. I'm in pain a lot, especially in my back.  
  
Our marriage is different. Many newly weds are all over each other, especially when they are young. We were calm, not driven crazy by our new found passion like so many others...Like Duo and Hilde, who have been married just about five years and still can't leave each other alone.  
  
I like the way we are. It's comforting that my relationship with him doesn't have to change just because my name has.  
  
Relena Yuy. I like it.  
  
  


Entry 19: Just as Quiet as it's kept...  
Music: The Billions: As Quiet as it's Kept  
POV: Heero  
  

  
  


My dream--it got me thinking--and I thought for months.  
  
I'd been living with Relena, helping out where I was needed. I still worked, just from our apartment. It was a decent set-up. I was able to work most of the day while the nurse, Sophie, was in, and then relax at night, assisting Relena with any household chores.  
  
She wasn't incapable of doing things herself. She didn't even really need a nurse. The nurse was more of a nutritionist/physical therapist. She helped Relena with her diet and choosing the right foods. The ones that would coincide with her treatment the best. And she worked on her shoulder and back.  
  
That is probably what frustrates Relena the most, is her slightly lame shoulder and arm, which is the way it is from her gunshot wound, and not from her cancer.  
  
I blame myself for that.  
  
It's gotten better, but it still...she's bothered by it. She cries sometimes.  
  
A few days ago, it was on Sophie's day off...I was working in the spare bedroom. I looked out the window and saw Relena, walking toward the fountain down the street, near the Cathedral.  
  
I moved from my desk, so that I was standing next to the large open window and watched her walk.  
  
Her gait was confident, yet faltered. She was in pain. She really shouldn't have been out. She would be exhausted when she came back.  
  
The cancer's spread and she's become weak lately. The pain's so unbearable that she takes codeine tablets withever meal, steroid and vitamins to keep her strength up, and she wears a morphine patch on her inner thigh.  
  
She rarely acts high or disconnected, so I figure even though the amount of drugs she has in her system is enough for a sick elephant, they must be working.  
  
She sat on the rim of the fountan, watching the water dance as I watched her. I smiled.  
  
She leaned over to pinch a yellow flowere from a small bush by her feet. She had trouble plucking it from its stem. She was using her bad arm.  
  
She gave up and sat back, again staring off into the water.  
  
I left my office and jogged to the fountain, sliding my sun glasses on as I slipped through the shadows unnoticed.  
  
Her back was to me. I picked the yellow flower--hers and one other. The popping of the breaking stems caused her to turn and look down upon me.  
  
I was kneeling, offering her the flowers.  
  
There were tears in her eyes and falling down her cheeks as she accepted the blossoms.  
  
We were in public.  
  
It was during the afternoon marketing hours, so there were people around. A lot of people.  
  
I wiped her tears, still kneeling. She took my sunglasses from my face. I smiled a little.  
  
How simple....our actions, normal almost, but at the same time, so all encompassing...  
  
I took her and hugged her, kissing her neck and stroking her hair. She'd become so thin.  
  
"I'm so thankful I have you," she said. "Otherwise, I'd be helpless..."  
  
I kissed her and led her back to our apartment. "You'll never be helpless."  
  


This Chapter is dedicated to my Jordan. He's my best friend and so much more, and after three years (on the tenth), he only loves me more.  
  
I have been wondering, what you guys would think. When I finish the story, I was thinking of posting an author's note along with the epilog to explain just exactly why and I wrote the story and some of the dynamics I used to achieve it. If anyon's interested, please let me know. I write them anyway, for my own benefit, but I don't really post them online. I will if you want me to though.   
  
Thanks!  
  
--Marla   
  



	12. Entry 20

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
This is really short, but it just seems right to get it out. It won't be long until the next upate. I've already started on the next entry.  
  
Enjoy.  


Entry 20: The Shield  
Music: Train: _Train_  
POV: Relena/Heero  
  


Relena's text will be just regular text.  
  
Heero's text will be in **bold**.  
  


**Relena asked me to write this entry for her. She is feeling weak, and her handwriting has been unsteady lately. I can read it, but I know it just hurts her too much to write. She's tired.  
  
** Yesterday--or maybe it was two days ago--I watched a beetle crawl from the northwest corner of my room to the southeast corner. It was a very slow moving bug.  
  
The window reflected on its shiny black shell.  
  
Toby, the beetle, reminded me of a little hearse.  
  
**I write now as she pausesss for a breath. Six months since our wedding and her health has declined six-fold. She's very weak.**  
  
He scuttled along, carrying himself very clearly to the southeast corner.  
  
It was as if the person he carried had died in the northwest corner and he had to tote the deceased to the funeral parlor in the southwest.  
  
Toby was a very solumn bug.  
  
I never saw him after he got to the southeast corner. I've looked, but he disappeared.  
  
**She's beautiful even now ash she reclines, her eyes closed. Her face is very drawn and pale, while he stomach has the typical pooch of a cancer patient.  
  
I wish I could give her strength, but its out of my control.   
  
Today is a bad day. It will get better.**  
  
The story seemed much longer in my head.  
Maybe it was.  
  
"Shield, I'm tired. Can we go to bed?"  
  
**Shield. That's what she calls me now. She says it's because I protect her and I always have....  
  
I haven't protected he for a long time.  
  
**

Well. I hope to have the next chapter up within the next week to week and a half. We'll see how school goes.  
  
Thank you everyone for taking the time to read (and perhaps review?) --Marla   
  



	13. Entries 21 and 22

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
This first entry is dedicated to my mother who's Bithday is in a couple of days. (May 4th). She know's Relena's story all too well.  


Entry 21: To Love  
  
POV: Heero  
  
  
Relena watched the news everyday.  
  
She saw how the world progressed without her at the foregront. The Earth Sphere was still a peaceful place, even without her.  
  
Over the time she'd spent sick she slowly driften into the shadows and faded into the background...disappeared.  
  
I think she watched the news, at first, because she wanted to make sure she had made the right decision in leaving politics. I think after she was satisfied, she just wanted to make sure that the earth was still maintaining proper levels of peace and functionality.  
  
She would get upset sometime, when she had pushed for got shot down. She broke our small ALF screen once with a shoe, then dragged a smal ancient television out a closet and tuned in again.  
  
It was an obsession with her. It was her life. When she saw she was no longer needed...she left me.  
  
Relena died this afternoon.  
  
I stood by her side, holding her hand.  
  
She'd gotten to the point where she couldn't walk, she couldn't talk. She was in her own world, conscious, but paralyzed--mostly. You could tell when she was uncomfortable because she would bend her legs at her knees and stretch out again, running her feet over the wrinklied sheets--over and over again.  
  
The dark stubble blanketing her legs stood out against her white skin. I rubbed her claves, trying to calm--soothe her, but she would groan and I would trung my attention back to her swollen face.  
  
2:49 PM, Sunday, June 8th, AC 207.  
  
Her lungs filled with fluid--it took all night to happen. I couldn't do anything as she slowly suffocated.  
  
She gasped for breath for an hour, breathing, wheezing, gasping. It killed me each time life flickered in her body. She was a flame, standing against the wind--almost being snuffed out, but then regaining strength, only to flicker once more--and finally go completely dark.  
  
Funny, what ultimately killed Relena was the fluid in her lungs. She drowned in her bed...A candle needs oxygen to burn, a flame to live, a life to function. But when a gust of oxygen becomes too strong, it is snuffed to a smoldering wick, and slowly, it dies to a burnt-out ash.  
  
Relena needed oxygen--space in her lungs.   
  
She could have taken the modern treatments. She could have...but she chose the ancient ways. Less harmful chemicals she said like what was inside of her wasn't harmful in the least. After as far as our technology has progressed, we still haven't found hot to cure abnormal cells.  
  
Why not me? I was the one experimented upon. I was the once who'd had drugs-steroids pumped into my system--why not me? Why--why not me?  
  
Oh God, she's dead.  
  
It was just like me dream. She was still, cold, gone. I couldn't do anything. I was dead. I cried--I wailed and called Sophie. I broke down.  
  
I think I'm drunk. Does a bottle of Scotch affect a person much? I've never had it before, I'm not sure where it came from.  
  
I peeked--around the corner when they were taking her out of the house. I saw her body being rolled out by a mortician in a black velvet bag. I could see her feet sticking up on either end of the mattress. She was dead gone--no more. Nevermore.  
  
Is it my fault that I did nothing?  
  
Maybe if I had saved South--maybe this wouldn't have happened--I wouldn't have married Relena. That's selfish. She would have been alive at least.  
  
Oh God! What has happened to me? I used to be strong. Perfect--almost. Why am I so weak now? What do I do?  
  
She's dead. I have nothing to live for. I want to die.  
  
She's dead. Dead and gone and dead. Not 'passed away'--she's dead as a fucking doornail and I couldn't help her. Please love me Relena.  
  
  
  
Entry 22: After Mariemaia's War  
POV: Heero  
  
  
The past couple of weeks have been hectic, with the funeral and moving and all.  
  
I can't live in the apartment. I got a place on L1--one of the central colonies this time.  
I have to get away from Earth.  
  
In my free time, I've read through this journal, this project that Relena so wanted to put together after I moved in with her. She was so excited about it, so I went along.  
  
I still can't believe that I kept those letters...  
  
  
I remember reading many time when we both mentioned what took place after Mariemaia's War, but neither of us ever wrote about it.  
  
I don't believe that the journal can be complete without recording that.  
  
So here it is. I remember it vividly.  
  
I woke up in a foreign place. I had no clue where I was. I reached for my gun under my pillow, only to discover that it wasn't there. My heart rate increased and my full attention went to watching and listening. I was on guard. I was read to strike at any moment, despite the excruciating pain echoing through my entire body.  
  
I reached to my side, perhaps I'd fallen asleep with my gun still tucked in my waistline--It'd happened before. To my surprise, I wasn't wearing any clothes, well, besides underwear. No gun there.   
  
Not my bed.  
  
Not Wing Zero' cockpit.  
  
Didn't fell like a hospital.  
  
My eyes adjusted quickly to the lighting when I finally kept them open long enough to allow them the luxury. I found myself laying in a four poster bed in a room with molding on the ceiling and gold leaf gilded on the walls. Pure Elegance.  
  
No hospital has ever existed that was that nice. It could have been a hotel. How would I have gotten there?  
  
Then, I noticed her. In a chair next to the bed, Relena sat, with her head back, mouth open, asleep. She didn't snore, didn't even sound as if she were breathing, but she was.  
  
Why wasn't I wearing any clothes?  
  
She was fully dressed--in sweatpants and a t-shirt, but that was still clothes and a hell of a lot more than I was wearing.  
  
I propped myself up against the pillows, carefully covering myself with the bedclothes and took inventory of my injuries.  
  
My chest and left arm were wrapped. My right foot had a temporary cast around it and my head rang like a fucking bell. Fractured arm, cracked ankle, broken ribs, gash on the head, and many other cuts and bruises.  
  
Not too bad after...after what?  
  
What had happened?  
  
I closed my eyes and dug and pushed the memories from my hazy brain until they were clear.  
  
There had been another war. I had died after I killed Marimaia. I killed her and died. Relena caught my dead body.  
  
I was sixteen--almost seventeen. I was dead. I killed Trieze's daughter. Relena caught me. I was dead.  
  
I was at Relena's house. Relena caught me. She brought me here. Relena caught me when I passed out. She got me a doctor and kept me in her spare bedroom. She didn't let me fall. She didn't let me die.  
  
I wasn't dead--alive. I had been born. No more war.  
  
No more Zero. zero. No more.  
  
I was at Relena's house.  
  
And from examinging my injuries It'd been a few days since I fell out of Wing Zero and killed Mariemaia.  
  
I had stubble. I had been unconscious for at least three days.  
  
Relena jolted herself awake. I didn't respond to her movements at all.  
  
"Heero?" she said. "Heero, are you awake?"  
  
I sat, silent. Just looking down at my hands two fingers on my right hand were in a splint. Why didn't I notice that sooner?  
  
I flexed my hand to discover what other damage it had procured. None.  
  
"Heero? Are you alright? Can you hear me?" She asked, sitting next to me on the bed. She was close. I could feel her breathing.  
  
I slid out from beneath the covers and stood out in the cool air in only my briefs and my bandages. I only wanted clothes.  
  
"Heero, your leg...You shouldn't be standing..."  
  
"I'm cold Relena. Where are my clothes?"  
  
"I can get you some sweat pants," she said and left the room quietly. I got back beneath the covers. Goose bumbs had begun to form over my skin. I was in Europe. In the winter. Why? Did Relena bring me here? She must have. Her house is in Europe--why didn't I make that connection before?  
  
She came back in with black sweat pants and a faded black t-shirt. I slipped them on and joined Relena on the bed.  
  
Neither of us said anything for a really long time. I don't know what she was thinking. I was rehashing the events of the war. Everything made sense until the end. I shot her didn't I? I killed Mariemaia--didn't I?  
  
I stood, said I'd relieve her pain, aimed, pulled the trigger--and then I don't remember. I heard it click. I didn't shoot her. I had no more bullets. I remembered. The sound was different--the was the gun works--it kicks a little differently--it protests when fired with no ammunition.  
  
"Did I kill the girl?"  
  
"Mariemaia?"  
  
"Yeah. Is she dead?"  
  
"No. She's in the hospital, but alive."  
  
"Good."  
  
She nodded, smiling a little and then lay down on the left side of the bed and closed her eyes.  
  
"You should sleep Heero." She said.  
  
"I just slept for days."  
  
"You're healing. You can't tell me you're not tired."  
  
"How long was I unconscious?"  
  
"Three days." I was right.  
  
"Heero, please lay down. The doctor told me to make sure you plenty of rest."  
  
I laid down.  
  
"What did you tell the doctor?" I was afraid that she'd given me away in her innocent ways.  
  
"I told him you were a dear friend of mine that came to save me and got hurt in the Gundam attack. I think he bought it. It's not a lie anyway, so I don't know why he wouldn't." She propped herself up on her elbows and looked me straight in the face. "I would never give away your identity Heero. I couldn't do that to you--any of you."  
  
I didn't say anything, just closed my eyes.  
  
I never made love to her until we were married, amazingly enough. That night we just shared a bed.   
  
One'd think that a guy would be happy to have a girl in his bed. I stayed at the very edge of the bed, as far away from her as possible. Relena was asleep, peacefully, next to me. She wasn't in danger--or was she? Why else would we be like this? I protect her, she gives peace to the world--that's the simplified version...Together, we had a system--on the edge, but a system nonetheless.  
  
I lay awake most of the night--only dozing lightly, waiting for the break in. I was waiting for the action, the danger, the adrenaline, the life.   
  
I needed some test to know that i was really alive. Am I alive? Relena caught me, didn't she?   
  
She stirred at dawn and I blinked in greeting to the sunlight. I had to piss.  
  
I got up and my muscles screamed, my leg tightened. I needed to stretch.  
  
I stumbled over my bulky cast and compresses muscles and knocked a small table. The glass vase on top fell over and shattered, spreading water and day old lilies sprawling across the floor.  
  
I slipped and a shard of glass cut my foot. To examine it I sat down and lifted the foot to chest level. A small thin line tickled down, tickling my skin. It was so beautiful...I wanted more.  
  
To my right lie a hook shaped shard--the perfect shape for cutting, especially flesh.  
  
I grasped it in my left hand and lifted my shirt to expose the tender skin along my stomach. With one quick stroke blood was dribbling down my abs.   
  
I remembered the scars on my wrists. Only the right was exposed. Would the glass sever the scar tissue?  
  
I wonder...  
  
The shard bumped into the tissue and then sliced smoothly through the cell layers. Red appeared immediately and dropped from my wrist to my leg and then soaked invisibly into the black knit fabric.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
I looked up, Relena stood over me with her eyes glistening. Tears.  
  
I wasn't ashamed. I was light-headed. I wasn't scared, I was sorry. Sorry for the pain saturated in her tears. Sorry for the sight, the nightmares, the beautiful spilt blood.  
  
Did I want to die? I would if the blood didn't stop flowing. Was my purpose server? Had it been?  
  
Relena pulled a handkerchief from a drawer and pressed it to my wrist, sniffing back her tears.  
  
I was paralyzed for a moment--she was trying to clot the flow. Trying...  
  
I pulled my hand away and she struggled to regain control. The handkerchief was soaked through with crimson.  
  
It was no use anymore. Why couldn't she just let me go in peace?  
  
Peace?  
Peace.  
I struggled with her, gently. She wanted to help--I wanted to help myself.  
  
Now her hand clenched my wrist with an iron grip.  
  
It hurt. She was desperate not to let me go.  
  
Violence wouldn't work with her.  
  
I put my left hand over hers. "Relena."  
  
Her gaze met mine and I pulled her bloodied hand from my wrist and the brought her down so she was sitting beside me on the floor. Her large eyes never left my face.  
  
"I can stop it," I said and pulled off my shirt and wrapped it tightly around my wrist.  
  
"Why do you want to die?"  
  
"Hnn.....I don't really want to die. I just don't see how my being alive helps anything."  
  
"It doesn't hurt anything though."   
  
"It does when I kill..."  
  
"You won't always have to kill Heero. You said you wouldn't have to ever again, remember?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow in question.  
  
"Maybe not...It was right before you passed out. you said that you'd never hurt anyone again because you didn't have to, then you fell, I caught you--and then you passed out."  
  
"Well then, I'm a liar."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I just hurt myself."  
  
"You see yourself as a person?"  
  
"You do. By hurting myself, I hurt you."  
  
She moved my shirt to check up on the bleeding. It wasn't quite stopped, but better.  
  
"Will you come back to me?"  
  
"I need time Relena."  
  
"Take it."  
  
After that...well, it doesn't matter. That the important part. It was a turning point which we both counted as a promise of the future.  
  
It seems less eventful on paper, less emotional, but then again, I'm a soldier, not a writer.  
  
Well, I suppose this is the end of this journal, literally. There are only two pages left...  
  
This was really Relena's baby. She wanted to tell our story, it was a different one, though oddly romantic. I'll let it end with her. It's what's only right. It feels good.  
  
  
----------   
  
  
Well guys, that's it--well not quite. There will be an epilog, which corresponds directly to the prolog, so if you don't remember, take a look. I'll have the epilog out by friday, but I want to know what you guys think of the last chapter before I end it completely. Thanks for taking the time to read!!   
  
---marla   
  



	14. Epilog

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.  
  
This is it--the epilog. The Journal is completely finished. 

Epilog: The Pilots  
  
  
  
Duo sighed and stood to view his friends body. It was laid in a large cherry wood casket covered with flowers. Heero was in his Preventors' dress uniform, and his scraggly white hair was brushed out of his face.  
  
A few tears dripped down Duo's wrinkled face and his graying braid hung limply in sorrow.  
  
He had been allowed to sit with Heero's family, his sister-in-law and his son. His second wife, a small Japanese woman, worked administration at the Preventors until she died two years ago. Their son, Takezo, stood in line in front of Duo, letting tears fall softly. It was an emotional time for the boy. His wife couldn't make it to the funeral because she was due to have their first child anyday, and atmospheric reentry in not recommended for those with child.  
  
As the procession ended and the graveside reception began, Duo took Takezo off to the side.  
  
"Do you remember when you were a little boy and Hilde and I used to tell you stories about the gundam pilots and the Eve Wars?"  
  
Takezo nodded.  
  
"Did your dad ever elaborate on those stories?"  
  
Takezo raised an eyebrow. "No Sir, he didn't."  
  
"Well, your father and I met because we were two of the five gundam pilots."  
  
Takezo laughed, "Nice one, Duo-san."  
  
"I'm serious." Duo was stern. "That how we met. That's how your father met his first wife."  
  
That got Takezo's attention and he was solemn. Heero's first wife was never something he had discussed much with any of them.  
  
"He met Relena Peacecraft when he was twenty-four and saved her life," Takezo said. "You said the gundam pilots were only fifteen  
"No. He met her when he was fifteen, and_ she_ was trying to save _his_ life."  
  
Takezo thought for a moment. "Why didn't he tell me?"  
  
"Your father didn't like to think about it much, besides, we vowed we would never let our true identities be revealed. That's why all the legends about the gundam pilots are just legends. Who would be comfortable with the idea that a bunch of kids saved the world?"  
  
Takezo only nodded. He looked just like his father.  
  
"Look son, I have a book here--a journal. It tells about your father and his first wife. He gave it to me to keep not long before he died. I don't think that he wanted anyone to find out about his past. It talks about him being a gundam pilot. But, I think I can trust you with it. It'd be a good read while you're waiting for the kid..."  
  
Duo handed the journal over to Takezo, and limped down a flowered path to his rental car. He had completed his mission, and he would finally ------- Well guys, it's been so much fun to write this. (I have a ten page author's note--no joke) I'm really sad it's over, and I'll miss it. I am very proud of it though, and thanks guys for reading and enjoying it. Thank You. Sieg Leben   
  
---marla   
  



End file.
